a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
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Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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