I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
