Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
