I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The power of my boobs compel you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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