Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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