You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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