some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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