The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize