In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
