my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
if only i could text you this smell
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Randomize
