i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
