all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
