I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Panties = found
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
