My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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