12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
