I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
