he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dear god my vagina.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
