Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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