i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
