You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can't turn off my feet"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
