Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
