He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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