Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
