At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
