I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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