i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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