don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
