So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
