The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I currently don't understand fingers.
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