someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
