Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
