Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
