haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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