As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
