so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
