I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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