Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
