My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
