You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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