Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
