I must be too annoying 4 u.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The best revenge is premature balding
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
