is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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