i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
