I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
