I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
