So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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