This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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