My hair reeks of homosexuality.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
