so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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