And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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