I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
