Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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