I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
