i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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