do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
