ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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