I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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