I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
