he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
