Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
