Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so that wasnt chicken after all
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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