the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
