Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
