I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
