i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
