Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
