I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my being single is dangerous.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dicks are not precious.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
