3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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