Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Floor bacon is actually really good
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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