dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
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today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
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I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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