I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize