I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
