Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
